i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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