Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Houston, we have a blender
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize