I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
