Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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