just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
