I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize