Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
