I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i now understand why vodka
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
