fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize