Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Come see our sink grown plant.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
