I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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