all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
