just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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