Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
