Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
