why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
