You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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