I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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