Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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