the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
