Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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