I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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