I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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