if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Say something about gay babies.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
