That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
