I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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