He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
