you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
third nipple confirmed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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