i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
