i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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