Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am naked and annoyed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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