I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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