I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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