I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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