So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
