did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
