i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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