I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
