I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
