my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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