the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize