she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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