i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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