I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize