Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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