There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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