Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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