Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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