Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
