How'd it feel making her break her religion?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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