I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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