I love black thongs
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
