took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
