I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
