You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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