An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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