We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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