come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
