Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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