Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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