Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
