I heard we made out
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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