This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
