She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
