I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
