I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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