It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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