u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
