I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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