We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize