who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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