just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
