Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
