I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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