is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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