I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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