he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
