i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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