did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
