I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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